Seeking Sweet Dreams

Sometimes I find it necessary to watch my babies sleep. Even the one who is not so much a baby anymore. Especially after a day which seemed to be filled with more chaotic moments than peaceful ones. Or a day filled with more correction than encouragement, or more tantrums (even mine) than smiles and laughter.

I don’t like those days. Days where I wish for bedtime and a few minutes of freedom. I don’t like the feeling that we must just survive one another for just a little while longer. It honestly hurts my heart.

But it does happen.

On those days when there has been more trial than joy, and after they are finally in bed and sound asleep. I feel drawn back into their dimly lit room. For all the desire to escape them during the waking hours has vanished. Here I sit in the middle of the floor gazing at each face. So peaceful. So calm. All the chaos and challenge from the day melted into sweet slumber and I hope sweet dreams.

Their quiet even breaths quiet me. Their peaceful faces remind me to let go of my own tension. Looking on, I am soon brought back to peace and love for these special souls.

I take a minute and I pray for them. I pray for me, I ask God to forgive my mistakes of the day. I make peace with myself and forgive myself. I thank God that tomorrow is a new day. That His mercies are new every morning.

I whisper an I love you to each of them. We’ll try again tomorrow.

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This Moment – Outside & Inside

{This Moment} – Moment’s from the week, special, extraordinary moment’s.
A time I want to pause, savor and remember. If you wish to do the same, please leave a link in the comment’s below. 

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This Moment – Outside & Inside

{This Moment} – A moment from the week, a special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you wish to do the same, please a link in the comment’s below. 

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Sweet Memories

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Little Alex

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If there are two things people know about me they would have to be that I like to be practical, and I also have a thing for Tie-Dye. I don’t know what it is about tie-dye, but I am inexplicably drawn to it. Not really for wearing. I think really I just like the process of it. A sunny day, huge baths of color and the kind of accidental art it creates.

On the practical note a few years ago (nearly 5 actually) I had just had our second baby. And I was looking for a way to pack my little bundle around. I had fallen in love with Ring Slings and thought them to be a great solution. The only problem at the time was the hefty price tag for them. So, I choose to do the practical thing and see if I could make one. I thought the slings made out of European Linen were beautiful. This fabric, touted for its strength, breathability and after washing its softness seemed ideal. But, the color options from fabric retailers was minimal as its typical use is for drapes and table cloths. So on a sunny Montana day (because that’s where we lived at that time) I pulled out my buckets and enjoyed a day of tie-dye, European Linen included.
Now you should know this isn’t really a tutorial because, well, it was so long ago I don’t really remember the specifics of how I made my slings. What I can tell you is that I think I purchased 1 1/2 or 2 yards of 56″ wide European linen. This was enough fabric that when divided length wise would make two slings that had wonderfully long tails. I do remember that I purchased my rings from here. I believe I ordered the medium sized rings and they worked perfectly.

Since I had enough fabric for two slings it was only natural that I make one for a friend. And I do believe she found it useful. For me the sling works best in the early newborn phase of life and then makes a reappearance with my 9month – 1yr olds. Because it is so easy to pop them in and out, and lets face it at these ages that is how it goes doesn’t it. Up, down, up, down.
As time went on though my little Alex babe outgrew the sling and I knew a friend who could use it, so off it went.

But here is the beauty of friendship. When you hold lightly to things often when needed things will come back to you. Remember the friend that I had made the second sling for? Well, by the time I had Addie she was done using it and upon learning I didn’t have mine anymore graciously sent hers back to me. Now Addie has outgrown it, but it is just the ticket for carrying Clara close to my heart. And whenever I wear it I get to enjoy the memories of that sunny day, of sharing a gift with a dear friend, and the babies that have been carried so close.

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What a gift.

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This Moment

Sharing with SouleMama {This Moment} A Friday ritual.
A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. 

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One Thing at a Time

By Anonomous

Work while you work,
Play while you play;
This is the way
To be happy each day.
All that you do,
Do with your might;
Things done by halves
Are never done right

Yesterday I had a little, shall we say, “moment.” Really I just fell to pieces. Frustrated with life and just a bit overwhelmed. The problem being; I feel really good. Really. Physically, I feel so very good and normal. A little tired, as being up off and on all night will leave you, but all in all really I feel almost like my old self.

And that there lies the problem. I feel like my old self. My old self before having four children. My old self before having a newborn. My old self that in the span of a day could get up in the morning before the kids, have my quiet time, home school, clean and cook. My old self that could drop what I was doing and go outside and play with the kids. Yeah, that old self.

I was frustrated because though I feel like my old self. I must admit that I am no longer that person. I am now the mom of four little ones, one of which is a new born. I can’t just leave her and go play in the snow…Yet. Sometimes I won’t get the laundry washed let alone folded because, reality is the baby needs feeding or changed, or someone else may require feeding or *sigh* changing. Our home school day may not start as early as I had hoped and we won’t get much done. Oh and getting up before the kids, yeah, that hasn’t happened more than twice in the last month.

Transition can be painful can’t it? Though I know I need to offer myself grace as we find our way through. Though I know we will one day find ourselves blissfully cruising through our day in our new rhythm. We are not quite there yet. And as I look around, all I see is what needs to be done, who needs attention, and how far off that beautiful new rhythm seems.

Later, while out shoveling the mountains of snow and drifts that recently have engulfed us. I began to realize something: 1. Shoveling can be a very meditative process and 2. Shoveling snow gives a great perspective on life.

It goes like this:

When I look around all I see are drifts that are knee high and higher. There is so much work to be done. My body aches and complains as I heft pile after pile of snow and pictch it as far as I can. I try to be orderly and methodical about the process, but sometimes the drift gets to be too high and heavy, or my body demands that I change the direction I am throwing the snow. So, I move in a different direction for a while and then eventually back to the more difficult parts. As long as I look ahead of me, I see endless untouched mounds of snow. When I stop for a minute to catch my breath its overwhelming to still see how much needs to be done.
But then I look behind me. I am surprised at how much has been accomplished. I am nearly half way… and later as I look again I am nearly finished.
I again look down and tackle the pile of snow in front of me. One shovel full at a time it is moved. My body rages after an hour of this, but I am inwardly pleased that I can still lift the next shovel load and the next. I quit thinking about all that is ahead and yet to be done. I focus everything on what is next. Just one more shovel full, and then another.
Every time I look up I see more to do, but every time I look back I can clearly see progress is being made.

And so it is with life. Really, I can do only the next thing. I can try to be methodical and orderly. But sometimes (and I must remember this) I will need to change the direction I am going, or move to a different task for a while. What is important is that I keep going. One thing at a time. Distraction or change of pace does not equal failure. No, quite the contrary, the fact that I have to change what I am doing can mean relief for my body or mind. As long as I am still doing what is needed next, I will be able to look back and see the progress I am making. Even if I look ahead and see a daunting amount of things in front of me. I must only remember: Just do the next thing. I’m still making progress.
What peace there is in that little bit of wisdom.

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For Grins

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It always seems like an impossible feat to capture those first precious smiles of a new babe. But I always try. As any parent knows, first smiles (that are on purpose) are magical. They bring proof that you are known and quite possibly liked by this little person. They often mirror a little glimpse of heaven and always melt your heart. Their rarity (even with the knowledge there will be many more to come,) still makes them coveted. Those first smiles are a gift. A reward for sleepless nights, hours of nursing and endless diaper changes. For that moment, time will stand still and all will be right with the world.

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