Work while you work,
Play while you play;
This is the way
To be happy each day.
All that you do,
Do with your might;
Things done by halves
Are never done right
Yesterday I had a little, shall we say, “moment.” Really I just fell to pieces. Frustrated with life and just a bit overwhelmed. The problem being; I feel really good. Really. Physically, I feel so very good and normal. A little tired, as being up off and on all night will leave you, but all in all really I feel almost like my old self.
And that there lies the problem. I feel like my old self. My old self before having four children. My old self before having a newborn. My old self that in the span of a day could get up in the morning before the kids, have my quiet time, home school, clean and cook. My old self that could drop what I was doing and go outside and play with the kids. Yeah, that old self.
I was frustrated because though I feel like my old self. I must admit that I am no longer that person. I am now the mom of four little ones, one of which is a new born. I can’t just leave her and go play in the snow…Yet. Sometimes I won’t get the laundry washed let alone folded because, reality is the baby needs feeding or changed, or someone else may require feeding or *sigh* changing. Our home school day may not start as early as I had hoped and we won’t get much done. Oh and getting up before the kids, yeah, that hasn’t happened more than twice in the last month.
Transition can be painful can’t it? Though I know I need to offer myself grace as we find our way through. Though I know we will one day find ourselves blissfully cruising through our day in our new rhythm. We are not quite there yet. And as I look around, all I see is what needs to be done, who needs attention, and how far off that beautiful new rhythm seems.
Later, while out shoveling the mountains of snow and drifts that recently have engulfed us. I began to realize something: 1. Shoveling can be a very meditative process and 2. Shoveling snow gives a great perspective on life.
It goes like this:
When I look around all I see are drifts that are knee high and higher. There is so much work to be done. My body aches and complains as I heft pile after pile of snow and pictch it as far as I can. I try to be orderly and methodical about the process, but sometimes the drift gets to be too high and heavy, or my body demands that I change the direction I am throwing the snow. So, I move in a different direction for a while and then eventually back to the more difficult parts. As long as I look ahead of me, I see endless untouched mounds of snow. When I stop for a minute to catch my breath its overwhelming to still see how much needs to be done.
But then I look behind me. I am surprised at how much has been accomplished. I am nearly half way… and later as I look again I am nearly finished.
I again look down and tackle the pile of snow in front of me. One shovel full at a time it is moved. My body rages after an hour of this, but I am inwardly pleased that I can still lift the next shovel load and the next. I quit thinking about all that is ahead and yet to be done. I focus everything on what is next. Just one more shovel full, and then another.
Every time I look up I see more to do, but every time I look back I can clearly see progress is being made.
And so it is with life. Really, I can do only the next thing. I can try to be methodical and orderly. But sometimes (and I must remember this) I will need to change the direction I am going, or move to a different task for a while. What is important is that I keep going. One thing at a time. Distraction or change of pace does not equal failure. No, quite the contrary, the fact that I have to change what I am doing can mean relief for my body or mind. As long as I am still doing what is needed next, I will be able to look back and see the progress I am making. Even if I look ahead and see a daunting amount of things in front of me. I must only remember: Just do the next thing. I’m still making progress.
What peace there is in that little bit of wisdom.