In the Blink of an Eye

10-7-13 060Ah, what to do with time? It may have endless moments but then makes up for its slowness with that inevitable blink of the eye. At least that is how it seems to happen for me.

And thus it has happened once again. I blinked, and 7 years have passed. I never wrote the birth story for my oldest son (after all he was born before I knew anything about this blog world or even that I liked to write anything.) He was born in a time when like Mary I preferred to treasure things in my heart.

At the time of Colton’s birth I remember feeling rather overwhelmed about the task before me. As all first time expecting mothers wonder, I wondered how I would handle labor, delivery, pain, nursing, and caring for this life I did not seem to know anything about. I had a vague concept that one could have a natural birth or conversely a medically assisted one. But I did little research. Basing my hope to have a natural delivery on my extreme fear of strong medications that usually make me vomit (something I had done plenty of for the first 4 months of my pregnancy.)

When the moment came it was rather surreal. I remember feeling tired the night before; and I remember waking early only to have my water break on my way to the bathroom. I remember the anticipation and excitement as we headed to the hospital. I remember the nurse telling me I couldn’t have a baby without an epidural, thus making me all the more certain that I could. I remember the bath tub was my best friend. I remember that contractions did not at all feel like the abrupt pain I expected. Instead, they were wave like with an ever increasing intensity, but not at all like the pain of a broken bone or some other injury. I remember feeling relieved about that, but still overwhelmed at their strongest point. I remember being annoyed that Kyle wanted to watch the National Finals Rodeo while I was in my most active phase of labor. I remember the Doctor suggesting I hurry up so he could go home and have a glass of wine (Now knowing this Doctor I realize he was trying to make a joke.)
And then I remember that glorious moment when all the work was done and up on my chest was placed a beautiful, pink pudgy baby. He was so much bigger than I expected. My first words were, “HOLY COW!”
He was lovely. He didn’t cry much, we just gazed at each other. This is probably the only moment when time truly freezes.

Even better than the moment when I first held my little boy was the moment I handed him to his father. Kyle supportive as he tried to be had been quite distant for most of my pregnancy. Probably more from fear and the pressure of responsibility than anything. BUT, the moment he took Colton into his arms he changed. The most powerful moment in my life to this day was the moment I watched my husband fall in love with his son. It still makes my heart swell within me.

And Colton? Oh what a blessing he has been from the beginning. He is an amazing gift. One I am certain I did not deserve but nonetheless am so blessed to have received.

From the day he was born, we have been on a glorious journey, and what a fantastic companion he has been. He is endlessly loving, thus teaching me to love. He is graciously forgiving thus teaching me to forgive. He is compassionate, self sacrificing, bearing with me as I learn and practice this art of Motherhood. He has asked so many questions that have challenged me on so many levels, thus I am ever learning and growing.

There is a verse that I found shortly have becoming a mother that I have ever related to because of the birth of this child.

“Nevertheless she will be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control.” 1 Timothy 2:15

Not that my salvation is in the child I bore, no salvation is only gifted by my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. But that through motherhood, through the process of growing into this calling, my salvation can be realized. For the lessons of Motherhood teach best how to have faith in what you cannot see, to love unconditionally as our Savior loves us. To understand holiness in the purity of a child’s heart. And the self-control, oh the self-control that is needed and that develops each day as I am called to look far beyond my own wants, needs and desires.

Now seven years have passed. We have welcomed two other children into our family and Colton joyously embraces his role as Big brother and forerunner for them. He will ever be the guinea pig, but he does not bear this role as a burden. Instead graciously he presses on and works with us as we navigate the ever shifting waters of the parent child relationship.

I cannot seem to say anything more of the blessing he is to us, for the words do not seem to do him  justice. I can only offer him this blessing:

Dear Colton,
My first born son:
May God always look down on you with love,
and may you receive His joy and grace.

May God prosper you in your life on earth,
and may He make your paths straight.

May God bless all who bless you,
and may their favor be with you.

I bless you for you have blessed me,
and I pray God will be with you all the days of your life.

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